As introverts go I am pretty extroverted. But don’t get it twisted, I am an introvert at heart. I crave periods of solitude. Some of my favorite parts of the day are extended periods of time when I am totally in my own mind. Deep down in the primordial sludge.
It is not wholly constructive for me to stay in the rabbit hole for too long. I can get lost down in there. Trust me. The shit I am thinking about ranges from the mundane to the metaphysical. I can slip down the hole at the strangest moments. I don’t even need to be alone for it to happen. Many times I have “gone there” in the middle of a grocery checkout line or as I wait for a red light to turn green.
The feeling is of warmth and contemplative relaxation. Time slows to a standstill. The more I embrace the feeling the deeper I go down the hole. It is hard to reverse because it feels so good to me. My only wish is that these moments of reflection would result in more permanent positive feelings for my overall mental outlook.
Alas, that is not always so. In fact, sometimes these deep thought sessions sometimes trigger a bout of moodiness as the real world usually proves far harsher and less stimulating to my mind. That is why I need to be careful how much time I allow myself to play in the rabbit hole.
The mundane bothers me. I would so much rather think about any philosophical or spiritual or scientific thought than spend one ounce of mental energy on pablum. That is why I don’t watch television much or even read common media sources. It’s not that I am so sophisticated or smart or anything. It’s just that my tolerance for lowest common denominator, formulaic, propaganda or anything herd like is just very low.
This creates some interesting results. For one, I have a very low IQ for what is currently “hip”. I have no idea who current stars of the movies, music, television are. It horrifies my wife how little I know about popular culture. I am not cool, or with it. The funny thing though is that I am frequently told that I appear youthful or younger than my age not just in looks but in attitude. Possibly this has to do with the fact that I am always questioning conventional thinking to the point that many consider my attitude churlish or argumentative. This is not how I feel to myself, but it’s more that I always like to play devils advocate and look at things from the less conventional point of view.
Are there others out there who are of similar temperament? If so, I would love to hear from you. To learn how you deal with the temptation. The craving to lose yourself in your own mind.
The mines lurk just underneath the surface.
Ever present reminders of explosive danger.
To navigate these waters takes the utmost care, and cunning.
One slip and it all could implode.
Don’t let it happen on your watch.