Down the Rabbit Hole

As introverts go I am pretty extroverted. But don’t get it twisted, I am an introvert at heart. I crave periods of solitude. Some of my favorite parts of the day are extended periods of time when I am totally in my own mind. Deep down in the primordial sludge.

It is not wholly constructive for me to stay in the rabbit hole for too long. I can get lost down in there. Trust me. The shit I am thinking about ranges from the mundane to the metaphysical. I can slip down the hole at the strangest moments. I don’t even need to be alone for it to happen. Many times I have “gone there” in the middle of a grocery checkout line or as I wait for a red light to turn green.

The feeling is of warmth and contemplative relaxation. Time slows to a standstill. The more I embrace the feeling the deeper I go down the hole. It is hard to reverse because it feels so good to me. My only wish is that these moments of reflection would result in more permanent positive feelings for my overall mental outlook.

Alas, that is not always so. In fact, sometimes these deep thought sessions sometimes trigger a bout of moodiness as the real world usually proves far harsher and less stimulating to my mind. That is why I need to be careful how much time I allow myself to play in the rabbit hole.

The mundane bothers me. I would so much rather think about any philosophical or spiritual or scientific thought than spend one ounce of mental energy on pablum. That is why I don’t watch television much or even read common media sources. It’s not that I am so sophisticated or smart or anything. It’s just that my tolerance for lowest common denominator, formulaic, propaganda or anything herd like is just very low.

This creates some interesting results. For one, I have a very low IQ for what is currently “hip”. I have no idea who current stars of the movies, music, television are. It horrifies my wife how little I know about popular culture. I am not cool, or with it. The funny thing though is that I am frequently told that I appear youthful or younger than my age not just in looks but in attitude. Possibly this has to do with the fact that I am always questioning conventional thinking to the point that many consider my attitude churlish or argumentative. This is not how I feel to myself, but it’s more that I always like to play devils advocate and look at things from the less conventional point of view.

Are there others out there who are of similar temperament? If so, I would love to hear from you. To learn how you deal with the temptation. The craving  to lose yourself in your own mind.


Depth Charge

The mines lurk just underneath the surface.

Ever present reminders of explosive danger.

To navigate these waters takes the utmost care, and cunning.

One slip and it all could implode.

Don’t let it happen on your watch.

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4 thoughts on “Down the Rabbit Hole

  1. Jonna Verdandi says:

    Of similar temperament??! Dude, you just described me to a T!!…except that I get told I appear older than my actual age. Always have.Think it has more to do with experiences rather than looks. Anyways, love your way of bein able to express yourself with words. It is clear that you are in your element in this 🙂 And its a joy to be on a receiving end of your thoughts…hope it doesn’t feel like I’m stalkin you, but your mind is certainly a precious thing to share and its a privilige to hear bits of you. Thank you for sharing.

    • MaxxPayme says:

      If the definition of stalking is to have somebody return often to read my words and then actually comment on them from time to time then I can only hope to gain many more stalkers over time.

      That is the essence of why I am doing this blog. The ability to interact with real people who care enough to come visit me and read my words is a special treat.

      Thank you!

  2. Jonna Verdandi says:

    Since you asked how someone of similar mind and how to deal with the temptation to lose oneself to it, I feel inclined to respond with my take on it..
    For me, the main aspect is to aknowledge that losing myself in my own mind, is part of who I am. Its essential to my survival in this world. Since I am highly empathic person in the sense I tend to be in tune with everything & everyone around me…without any real filters to shut the overwhelm of it off. And that is mostly an exhausting state of being. But it is what it is.

    So I consider losing myself in the rabbit hole as a sorce of creativity, as well as a vent for me. But as you also point out, there is also the danger of stayin in that mindset too long..which is not constructive or can cause more of a depressive state of being. Have known that very well too. Not a good place to linger, but very easy to fall in.

    But given you asked of what you may learn..I’d say that accepting that this is a part of what makes you, you, is essential. And also that you CAN learn how to deal with the temptation of letting it run you by observing your own mood & the circumstances that (in my experience) often accompany these temptations to delve into that mindset…

    Not overanalyzing, but simplyfying. Like…whenever I am about to perform certain tasks that I am not really up for, or feeling bored, restless, sometimes even when I have too much time on my hands…Any of these moods/mindsets are usually triggers for wanting to lose myself in my rabbit hole. It is tempting as you say..

    By now I am familiar of who I am and how my mind works, I can identify these triggers now so to speak…Fact is, as easy as it is to say that these inclinations to lose oneself is a temptation, it is however an aspect that I can control – if I only put the effort in, & won’t let it run me.

    I actively decide not to go there too much by keeping my mind and body challenged..
    Complex minds & creative minds often require constant challenges (especially when its in my nature to question everything, being obstinate & always see more sides of an aspect).

    Though in order to balance this, the mind and body often seem to seek out simplicity…probably as a compensation or as a release somehow.
    Trust your body’s basic needs. It knows that; where the body moves, the mind will follow…eventually.
    By doin physically challenging tasks I can let my mind wander too, actively, yet keeping it focused on the task at hand. May seem contradictory, and it is.

    Same goes for that whenever i dont want to perform certain tasks, I physically place myself in proximity of what it is I have to deal with (like: job searchin, writing boring rapports, expectations etc) and find that my mind follows the terms of what the body dictates…

    i’m not sayin that this may be true for everyone, but given I have been versed in many various modes of reference & theories about havin this inclination of losing myself to daydreamin…I find it to be real & most effective. Only YOU can make the actual transition of mindset into action & vice versa…And it is not an easy process, yet it is.

    Mostly, in conclusion: its about awareness. Of yourself. Of your responses. Of active focus. Of which needs that has to be met and how you go about that.

    Have no idea if this makes sense to you at all, but feel free to ask me if so. // Love J.

  3. MaxxPayme says:

    Excellent thoughts. Thank you for this. I have some follow ups that will come in future posts that are relevant to your comments. Have a great day Jonna!

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