Sometimes she gets me so angry. It hardly seems fair when she knows exactly the right buttons to push. It’s part of the challenge of trying to repair a fractured relationship. A fractured trust. My role is not that of the innocent, I admit this. At times I play into the emotions, and help to create the monster that rears it’s fangs.
Still I wish that things were different.
Find myself longing for simpler times, when we were on more even footing. When we both had careers, and both brought home the bacon. When she could explain to her friends what I did on a daily basis without having to massage things to make them sound more palatable. When she was proud of me, of our relationship.
These days the turmoil is causing hairline cracks. Emotions bubble up at inopportune moments. What would once go unsaid now gets repeated daily, hourly. Frustrations cause mountains out of molehills. She is quick to anger and I am quick to be defensive. To survive this we will both need to learn how to relate to each other better.
The good news is that there is still love. There is still something worth fighting for. She may run out of patience with me and if she did I could not really blame her. The past few years have been very painful for us both. At times I don’t like the man that I have become but at the same time I have been forced to learn some humbling lessons about life. About what is truly important and what is not.
The hope is that these travails may bear sweet fruit for us eventually if we can wait it out. If only we can find the strength to see our way through these challenges. Life does not owe us anything, but if there is any justice in the universe I will get a chance to see this journey through to it’s conclusion and come to realize the greater purpose for the path that I took.
Like tempered steel, with the right mindset our relationship will emerge stronger. Everything happens for a reason. I refuse to give up my faith in this simple belief.